The “D” Word

Today I posted “My Story” on the Soul Contact website.  I wanted to give people an opportunity to read how my experiences lead me to who I am now, and how I was able to create Soul Contact; specifically the Beyond Bereavement program.  As I wrote this story and went through the process of putting all of this together, something slightly daunting has crossed my mind. Why the hell are we so ill-equipped to deal with death and detachment? (I say “we” because after having these conversations I know I’m not the only one).  It is very prevalent that the art of shoving emotions down and “getting over it” that has been passed on is not without consequences.  And I am thankful that many are now trying to shed light on this.  

This has just mostly been the standard; particularly in Western and Patriarchal influenced society. We know the cycle…someone passes, you have a funeral and wake…now back to work.  Where does that leave the bereaved? In my experience I can tell you that it left me lost, disassociated, and abandoned.  All the while trying to put on a face and “be strong”. I didn’t even realize how the worst was actually after the funeral.  For any of my Soul Community out there that actually witnessed the passing, you know it can add a whole new layer of problems. 

I could go on about the aftermath and how it looks in other cultures;  I also acknowledge through my own experience that not all funerals in Western culture are an all black attire experience.   I would rather redirect the discussion on the “before”. Because, if we look at how we are raised to think about death, then maybe the Rite of Passage would be less of a blow when the time comes. If we are also given the opportunity at a younger age to work through our emotions; grieving can be dealt with from a healthier standpoint.

Keeping death hidden from view is merely a form of avoidance.  It is no different from pushing down a negative emotion and refraining from actually feeling it or acting like it isn’t there. It is. Death in its physical form is certain.  Therefore, to keep it on the hush growing up and hiding it from plain sight is a disservice to a person’s well being.  It makes it not real, when it is anything but.  Death is the natural transition.  How can one be expected to deal with it if it is not portrayed as real?  

I will preface that I am not a parent, nor am I condemning my or anyone else’s parents. Color me crazy, but maybe if we should try raising children to not fear death or worse, instill this condemnation dogma of eternal hell.  Allow them to understand to value the natural transition of our physical bodies. Give them space to understand the duality of our universe.  That could, in turn, add more value to the present.  They can be taught to appreciate the beauty of actual living, and who/what will always be even if it is through spirit (depending on what your beliefs are).  Let’s begin to actually talk about these things.  Anything swept under the rug has to get cleaned up eventually. Just these discussions alone are tools we can use to allow ourselves to move forward with less resistance and not seek external sources to fill a void. Let’s make the “D” word normal again.

Of course, this is just one piece to the puzzle.  As I begin to understand my current and past self more, I realize there was much more hanging by a thread prior to losing my partner.  Unknown attachment issues, coping with substances, and externally identifying myself and my value based on anything besides me.  That will be for my next post though.  I’m interested to hear your thoughts.  Feel free to hit me up on Instagram, Facebook, or shoot me an email. Much love to you all.

@soulcontactdance

callie.johnson.dance@gmail.com

Surrender

I was listening to the Highest Self podcast from Sahara Rose a few weeks ago. As she discussed her journey coming out of her divorce she spoke of having to come to terms with having to surrender to the current state of her life and allowing everything to move “through” and not “to” her.  I have heard this saying so many times and thought I understood what it meant. Even as a Phish fan who has touted “surrender to the flow” for years and years; it has taken the past few weeks to truly embody the art of surrendering.

The question is though… if you don’t realize your own resistances and blockages, can you truly surrender? As I embarked my on journey in the Embodied Dance Teacher Training and began creating the foundation of what would become, Soul Contact, a whole new level of my spiritual journey arose. If I was going to do the work, I had to BE the work.  I dove into the chakra healing portion of the training; years of limiting beliefs. narratives, and even bodily pains were coming to light.  Many that I realized were the root of self sabotage or holding patterns keeping me from my highest potential. One of my resistances being, well I can do ___ but I also need to be doing ____ while I try to get to ____. Rather than just doing the effing thing with absolute belief I can do this. 

It is true that the majority of the time, it is YOU that is getting in your own way.  But unless we find the root of that resistance, the loop people tend to get “stuck” in will never untie itself until we are able to identify and let go.  It is absolutely natural to resist change and release control to the direction source is guiding you to. But where will we go unless we embrace that change?  A few weeks before launching my website; I had already burned both ends. I knew what needed to be done but couldn’t grasp being able to go from point A to point B because of XYZ. I realized the “but” and “eventually ” thoughts was convoluting my own mind; I knew in order to release I had to completely surrender to the unknown. What was I waiting for? I have a mentor providing me with so many tools…just pick something and keep going. And in a very long and powerful meditation I vibrated surrender.  I surrender my old self and truly welcome the guidance I need to call in the life I so desire.

As soon as I wholeheartedly embodied that feeling, the synchronicities began to happen and I was able to flow and just do the damn thing even when I felt completely clueless. I was now prepared for anything to come my way to follow my Dharma as a healer.  I finished my series outline, launched my first website, started making connections with like minded people, and even made contact with my first potential clients.  Maybe by this time next year I could be doing this full time! 

As of Monday (just days after launching), I have found myself with a severely injured latissimus dorsi. Unable to teach or perform aerial hoop, as well as, unable to do hair for 6 weeks. Why now?

Strangely enough, a few hours before I hurt my shoulder, I did a one card pull from my Gaia Tarot deck (yes, I love the woo). The “Faith” card presented itself…pretty self explanatory right? Then the next morning after shuffling and shuffling with searing pain in my shoulder I pulled the same card. Heard that! Message received!

I’m not  going to sit here and act like I’m not upset and angry all at the same time about this. I need to give myself permission to feel this.  The trick is to not stay here too long; and transmute this obstacle into opportunity. 

 Maybe this is the true test of complete surrender.  

I have been saying for months that I’m ready to be done with the hair industry. Not because I have some sort of resentment towards it. Making my clients feel good is a wonderful feeling. Not to mention, I have learned so much from this industry.  Actually, if it weren’t for being a stylist I might have never known I was destined to become a healer.  However, I no longer have the emotional space and energy to split my focus towards growing a business that I don’t wish to grow anymore versus what is my true calling. Although, trashing my shoulder wasn’t exactly what I had in mind as my out…but here we are. My world isn’t going to come crashing down. This is, after all, what I wanted.

I also said I wanted to eventually start a blog portion on my website…look at me now. Writing my first post. The amount of joy teaching and performing Lyra gives me is incredible. But, for whatever reason that has to pause for now. The most I can do is guide others through their own authentic expression with my healing work and take care of my body until she is ready.

Surrendering requires making space for what no longer serves you.  And this is the way I have to make space. I surrender and accept this challenge to welcome a new beginning and put full faith into myself and the unknown. Soon enough I will look back and be absolutely grateful for this moment.  

-Callie